Shellshocked
by frogracer42
Summary: Rose lied on Bad Wolf bay: she was actually the one pregnant. Ever since she was seperated from the Doctor, she has been working on a way back to him, in the midst of a threatening war with Russia. Will she be able to finish her way back to him in time? How much is she willing to sacrifice in order to keep her daughter safe?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any of the characters in this, (e****xcept for one...) **** or the wonderous Doctor Who :)**

**ENJOY!**

Rose woke with a start to the sounds of machine gun-fire overhead, punctuated by mortars falling, and detonating on the horizon: illuminating the clouds like city lights. Other people were running and screaming willy nilly in the street, but her family/team was nowhere in sight, and she realized that the roll of blankets in her arms was empty.

Deafening fear struck through her chest like lightning: where had She gone? Where was She? A mortar struck the building adjacent to their bed and she bolted in the opposite direction of the battlefield sky. She ran, heart frozen, and searching. Inspecting those of the souls around her for any sign of the one she was missing. Bullets began to whiz through the crowd, and all of a sudden she heard the terrified wails of an infant, and everything else went silent save her breath, ragged and desperate in her throat as she sped up, frantically scanning the crowd for the source of that one heartbreaking cry that had the power to make her do the impossible, no matter how unlikely.

She became increasingly more frantic, as the wails rose in a crescendo, before she spotted it's source sitting on the sidewalk, though only barely staying upright, hopelessly screaming against the nook provided by the overhang of a blue door. And then, all of a sudden, there was a icy fire, zinging through her middle, the next thing she knew, she was laying face down on the ground, and she could feel the blood starting to well in her abdomen. Desperately, she craned her neck around to find her baby, still wailing before the blue door. Rose clawed her way closer, until she was within reach before grabbing the still screaming child, and tucked her tight against her body. If Rose was doomed already, she would give her daughter this one last gift: a shield against the storm. Hopefully someone would find her baby afterwards, and give her a second chance, with another mother.

Her baby was still ferociously crying, as she smoothed down the feathery, deep red whisps of hair. Just then, Rose realised that she KNEW the door against which she sandwiched her baby, and with one last stunning burst of strength, she pounded against the wooden door with a dying fist. To her relief, it opened, to reveal that oh so familiar face, with it's old as sin eyes, flyaway hair, and high cheek bones. Exactly as she remembered it. As soon as he realised who had been knocking on the door, and the situation into which he had arrived, his grin faded, and was replaced with a deep shellshocked sadness mingled with last rolls of doomed hope. He muttered "Rose" in a whisper, before crouching and attempting, desperately, to help her up. She refused with a shake of her head. It had been almost three minutes since she had been shot, and could no longer feel past her torso: she was already lost, and thrust their grief-stricken daughter into his helpless hands. She watched with fading vision, as he took the child in his arms, and fell to his knees beside its mother, as he became aware of the two tiny hearts beating against his. Tears overflowed his eyes, and Rose,with her last ounce of strength, gave him a wilting smile, before her vision completely faded out.

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**So, this is my first every published fanfiction, So PLEASE don't hate just yet :) I know this first chapter seems pretty dark, but bear with me: not all is as it seems!** **Please try and review, any advice will be appreciated, all will be rewarded with virtual slices of huckleberry pie with extra whipped cream :D If you guys like this story, I have the next few chapters drafted up too, reviews will help them appear ;)**

**And yes, I know I spelt the title wrong, but I can't figure out how to fix it?**

Untill we meet again!


	2. Chapter 2

**Once again, the only character/ idea that I own in this story is Madeline, as well as the plot :)**

Rose woke with a start, for the second time that night, and for a moment, was confused by the dark, cracked, ceiling over her head, and the fact that she could still hear Madeline crying. Her hand darted to her belly, and she was puzzled when it came away unstained. Rose hurriedly swung her legs over the side of her cot, rushed to Madeline's side, and scooped her up, cradling the small head against her shoulder, letting relief crash through her like a wave as she placed soft kisses on the feathery red wisps atop the crown of her head. Tears slipped through Rose's clenched eyes, even as her baby's (who clutched her mother's breast with an iron grip, hiccuping) began to abate.

_Madeline...Madeline... ohh Madeline _

was all Rose could think, over and over again as she began to feel the terror of moments before begin to fade.

_It had been the dream, only the dream, that same, stupid reacurring dream, they were safe, they were both safe for the moment. She was alive, Russia had not broken their borders yet, and the Doctor was still not at her side, he had not just watched her slip through his fingers._ _They were still stuck in their stand in universe._

This last fact ignited a new swell of heartbreak. And it hit her anew like a great tsunami crashing down: it had been a whole year, and she would never see him again. There was very little chance that he would ever meet their little Madeline, that she would get to see the stars. It had been, officially, 5 months since the world had gone to shit, 3 months since Madeline had been born. Twelve months since the last time she saw him, since they had said goodbye, when her heart had shattered. She hadn't had the strength to tell him how bad things really were on her end, nor to let him know about her own little piece of him, and how slim that piece's likelihoods of living to run were, in this newly war torn world.

It turned out that this parallel Europe had not been as stable as it at first had seemed, wrought with countries on the brink of bankruptcy caused by the aftereffects of an enormous economical crash 15 years hence, and bailed out by Russia; who had not been morbidly disfigured by economical distress.

However, 14 years later, when Russia had started to request that europe start to pay them back once their own economy started to crash, the Europe had refused. Most of the countries claiming to have not dug themselves far enough out of their own holes yet.

It also turned out that, in this world, neither the second or first world wars had occured, and that the U.N. had failed to be created. As a result, very few of this world's nations had the "brotherly treaties" that her home universe had developed. Thus there was near no-one to ask for help when Russia decided that they would expand their borders to include Europe. Like an avalanche, they had swept across the map in the mere 12 months since Canary Wharf, sweeping first through southern Europe, and working their way north. By the time she had started to hear the Doctor's voice, calling her to Norway, Russia had practically been on their doorstep in London. It proved that Norway ended up being the current stronghold for the rest of Europe. They had been cut off completely from the other continents, and with little hope of relief, seeing as Europe seemed to be the "shunned third cousin" of this world.

She was currently in a base in this said stronghold, not far from Bad Wolf Bay, known as Torchwood North. Rose had been posted there with her team, which consisted of herself, Mickey, this Universe's version of Jack Harkness, a medical/biological specialist by the name of Martha Jones, and Oswin Oswald, a technical genius, and good friend of Rose's. Her "Dad" had also been posted at their base, her Mum had come along, and volunteered to act as their manager of papers/secretary. Before the war, they had all had hopes of returning back to London in time to welcome Madeline. However, once Russia attacked, they had decided to stay in Norway for their best chance of getting through this alive.

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**Thanks for reading! and special thanks to **totallyau **for reviewing! I would also like to mention that this story takes place after Doomsday, is (obviously) an au, and could stretch into the fourth/fifth seasons if it becomes more popular ;) Neither do i have a beta, so all grammar mistakes etc. are mine**

**Huckleberry pie to all!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing!**

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"Morning Oswin"

Rose chimed as she made her way past the bottom of the stairs and towards the kitchen.

Oswin replied "mornin Rose", as she sat grogilly hunched over a steaming cup of coffee, clad in housecoat and bunny slippers."S'warm on the s'ove" she added in a still half asleep voice, reached out towards the pair witha stiffled yawn.

Rose smiled and set the baby in Oswin's outstretched arms, who grinned a "good morning you" and poked the baby in the tummy before cuddling her close. Rose proceeded to pour a cup of coffee for herself, while Madeline was occupied.

The house to which they had been assigned was small, compact, and yet not suffocatingly so. With all 3 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs, a combined kitchen/living room/dining room, a half bathroom and an 8x12 foot office crammed into the ground floor.

Of course, her Mum and "Dad" got a bedroom to themselves, Martha and Oswin were stacked in a bunk bed in another, and Mickey and Jack's room much resembled the girls' room. Rose had volunteered on their arrival to take the office as her room, seeing that she had still been suffering from the odd bout of morning sickness at that point, and thought it best that she wasn't placed where she would wake the rest of the household with every rushed trip to the toilet. Now she shared it with Madeline.

They also had a "top secret basement" which was really just a small room made up to look like a long term pantry. But hiding (in preparation of their seemingly inevitable occupation) a tunnel leading towards their lab, and projects which mainly consisted of alien technology that they were trying to reconfigure as weapons to help their continent. The team had also been trying to construct a way for safely trafficking people to and from the parallel universe, in case things got hairy on their end, and they ended up having to evaquate the country. The latter project was mainly Rose's focus, for obvious reasons, though nobody would ever speak aloud of the project's true, if hidden expextation: to need to be able to transport 2 people minimum and that anything beyond that was an added bonus.

Rose fetched a light blanket from the hamper beside the stove on her way to the coutch, and set her coffee to cool on a conveniently placed coffee table, before extracting the now slightly fussy Madeline from Oswin's lap.

She returned to the couch, draping herself with the blanket for modesty's sake, and proceeded to feed the increasingly fussy baby.

While she was waiting, Rose took out a book she had been reading tentatively over the past month's worth of "slow moments", by the name of "The Subtle Knife" and flipped to the page on which she had left off. It was the second book the "His Dark Materials" trilogy, and was largely about jumping between universe's with the help of a knife with the ability to cut through the fabric of realty. Rose found this theory quite interesting, and had attempted to apply some attributes of it to her work. Suprisingly, she had found that some aspects when applied showed signs leading towards the building blocks which, in turn, could help to build them a gateway home.

Rose was ambling around the room, in hopes of coaxing a burp out of Madeline, when none other than Jack Harkness sauntered down the stairs, fully awake.

"Morning everyone" he put forward cheerily, not forgetting to peck Madeline on the head over Rose's shoulder and wink at Oswin on his way to the fridge. Oswin by now was feeling much more awake, and was capable of offering a coherent

"Good morning Captain!"

To witch he grinned in reply, and wondered aloud "eggs anyone?" while opening the fridge to discover the empty egg-shelf inside and declaring "parritch it' tis then" in a bad scottish accent. Earning a smile from Rose.

It was not long before everyone else appeared, filled up on "parritch", and started the day. Jack, and Pete would be heading out of town a ways to hopefully find out more about a recently uncovered piece of alien equipment, Martha had scampered off almost as soon as she woke, on the claim of recieving a call from the worried parent of a kid who had fallen down the stairs while sleep walking, and apparently broken his leg.

Martha was the only known medical practitioner within a 10 mile radius, and thus was largely relied on to help with most of the ailments of the recently overcapacitated town.

Rose, Oswin, and Mickey headed down to the lab, after handing Madeline off to an enthusiastic "Grandma Jackie" for the day, with instructions to call Rose if the wee minkey got hungry.

Later that day, Rose was sitting over her desk, investigating her discovery that if you reversed the polarity of the neutron flow of an excited cluster of air molequles they would repel one another, much like a set of magnets could if held the wrong way and that they would be seperated by an unknown element of space. This space was undetectable by the naked eye, and yet if you came near the effected area, you felt a strong sense of "wrong".

As Rose reached her hand towards the affected area for the umpteenth time that day, certain that this was a clue to something (despite it's inconclusivity) when all of a sudden, the air around her hand rippled, ad she could have sworn that for a second, she felt a surface, almost like a sheet over water, before the power required to keep the polarity reversed became to much for her improvised reversal generator to handle, and it shut down with an angry Cha-CHUNK.

Rose's heart fluttered like a birds as her discovery sunk in: she'd found it. After a whole year of searching, she had found the fabric of realty.

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**Sorry for the wait everyone! And a million thanks to everyone who reviewed, along with all of my other followers/likes/readers :)**

**sorry for any physics mistakes, or gramatical ones for that matter ;)**

**Huckleberry Pie to all!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I own nothing!**

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0 thou, whose sympathy in darkest hours, Was to my soul as dew to dying flowers

Must I say this farewell? 1 scarce can realize it yet, And wonder if you'll soon forget, Or love me, dear, as well.

Where shall I go when heart and brain Are overwhelmed with care and pain, And pour my sorrows out? What ear will listen pityingly? What voice will answer tenderly Cheer up, dear, do not doubt ?

There are many in yon distant land, Who will come with smile and open hand,

Dearest, to welcome you. But let not these usurp my place,

Or the old memory efface Of love so pure and true.

-"To Rose" Annie Isabel Curwin

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He stumbled into the galley (if you could call it that) of the TARDIS. To find a memory of Rose at the counter, pouring steaming water from the wire handled cast iron pot (pots obviously had way more alternate uses than kettlea, no matter how much she objected) into two mugs, one adorned with little Tiggers (his favorite) the other made of pottery, and florally adorned (her favorite).

She had plunked a tea bag in each, two sugars, and a cream into hers, three sugars in his, and stirred both simultaneously before handing him his stating "Stirred not Shaken Mr. Bond" with a grin.

He couldn't help but grin right back, take the tea, and slouch into a swivel chair. They didn't really have a table in the "eating room", otherwise much of the clutter pilled in corners would adorn it. As a result, the "eating room" was littered with seemingly random "chairs" ranging anywhere from a sleigh to a wobbly-legged-home-made high-chair, and a weird chair/hammock thing that looked to be made of something suspiciously similar to woven bark.

She sat had sat in the chair hammock, using her toe to give herself a push off the wall before crossing her legs and taking a deep breath over her tea cup.

He had watched her from his chair, and started spinning too. His mind grappled for something to say, after the night before. So far she seemed happy to ignore it, and if this was the case he would go along with it, if that's what she wanted. Even though his hearts frankly wanted to swing the other way.

Soon after they made it back from the parallel universe Rose, missing a certain Ricky the Idiot, had decided to turn in early, and mumbled "goodnight" in his general direction. Missing his worried glance as she shuffled towards her room. He stayed up a bit longer. Contemplating Mickey's words, and weather he should let himself think they meant something, that he was now free to acknowledge his feelings for Rose.

He couldn't help but feel relieved, however much he hated it, because the source of his relief also fueled Rose's pain.

He didn't have to wait long before the TARDIS's lights began to flicker, reminding him that he needed sleep. Even if not quite so much as a human. He, naturally, ignored the warning, and continued to repair the bits of stuff that had been damaged due to the universe hop.

She gave him another five minutes before deciding enough was enough, and shut off everything in the console room.

Nothing he did could make her turn the lights back on, and he eventually gave up, exclaiming "Fine! You win!" to the ceiling and he stumbled towards where he hoped the hallway was. The TARDIS flicked on a string of guide lights in the floor as a reward, leading towards his room, and shut them off as he passed by so that he wouldn't be tempted to change his mind and return to the console room.

He opened the door, stripped down to his boxers, flopped into bed, and promptly fell asleep.

He dreamt that Rose was trapped in a hellfire of bullets. She was running, and scared, with tears streaming down her face. She seemed to be looking for something. Her clothes were torn, and he could see blood starting to well in the scratches exposed by her torn jeans (barbed wire?). Panic engulfed him. He wanted nothing more than to help her, sweep her away and make all her pain disapear. He tried calling to her, becoming increasingly more desperate, he even tried to reach out and touch her shoulder, but soon realized he had no body. His heart sunk, then Rose stopped, seemed to catch onto something, and bolted off, double time, making a beeline for something he couldn't quite see. There was a fleshy sounding zing and Rose stumbled, he tried to reach out to catch her, and couldn't stop himself from screaming "Rose! NOOOO!" as she fell to the ground with a final sounding "thud".

He woke in a sweat, still screaming, as he sat bolt upright. His yes instinctually tracking to his slightly lit doorway, with Rose's silhouette picking it's way towards him. He hardly had a moment to register the pain and worry on her face with his newly adjusted eyes before she was in his arms, and he in hers.

His breathing slowly began to calm down, and he began to pull away to take in her big, caring, lighter-'round-the-iris- eyes, her face angelically framed by her loose golden hair. His gaze lingered over her full lips pushed together in concerned line. Giving his hearts an extra rush of adrenaline, before returning to memorize her eyes.

And then she kissed him.

For a moment, he had been too surprised to do anything but sit there, before he realised what this meant: she cared about him too! It was either that or she was spurred on by her sadness ignited by Micky's departure. He hoped to hell that it was the first option. And kissed her back whole heartedly with almost two years worth of restrained desire. She moved to straddle his lap, and deepened their kiss.

(Lets just say that he at least was feeling quite allot better roughly an hour later, with Rose spooned against his chest, and both of them painfully naked.)

Just like he had that morning so long ago, he sat in his swivel chair. He took a sip of tea, now devoid of all embelishments and simply taken black. He imagined that he could almost feel Rose's presence in the hammock-chair still hanging adjacent to him. For a moment he closed his eyes in hopes of letting the sensation linger for a bit, so he could pretend that she was still there.

He opened them to the stark reality of Martha Jones shuffling fully dressed into the "kitchen", cheerily saying "good morning" and settled into said hammock-chair. He procured a grudging smile at her. It wasn't her fault, he reminded himself, she doesn't know, she wouldn't want to know anyways.

Somehow, his self administered reassurance only seemed to make him feel worse. He had heard it in Rose's voice, it was something she would have said.

Martha asked "so, where to today?" in an upbeat voice.

He answered with another grudging smile "wherever the wind will take us", got up and started back towards his room.

Rose would never have said something like that. At least not until it was absolutely necessary. She had always been content to let their destination be a surprise, seeing as he really had near no control over where they went, and even though he usually failed to take her where she wanted to go, she never failed to take each destination in stride. On top of that, she had always been excited to choose a destination, rather than leave him in control.

The Doctor found himself in front of a red stained wooden door engraved with vines of flowers: Rose's. He only paused for a second to wonder why he had ended up here, instead of his own. But he new the answer to that: he needed her.

He pushed the door open with a creak, and tentatively took a few steps inside before looking around and picking up a picture she had wedged into the frame of her mirror. He looked at it for a moment.

She was smiling that tongue in teeth smile that made his blood rush, and walking alongside him (in his current form), hand in hand. He looked equally happy, and was glancing down slightly at her, as though hoping she would't notice him peeking at her through the corner of his eye.

He ran his thumb over her picture, and slumped down, back resting against her bed.

If only she could have held on a second longer, he swore to himself that he would have let her know how he felt about her.

But he new it was a lie. He was too much of a coward, he'd never have admitted his feelings first, maybe if she had, he would have followed suit. But he'd already broken that promise. That day "on" Bad Wolf Bay.

He bowed his head, and let a single tear slip.

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**Sorry for the long wait you guys, and thanks to all my readers! I'd love to have some reviews, and constructive critisism is appreciated ;)**

**Sorry for the angstyness of this chapter, and sorry to any Martha lovers for this chapter's contents :(**

**Huckleberry pie to all!**


	5. Chapter 6

**Here's the next chapter! At this point I would like to ask your guys' preferance on wheather I continue to include Rose in this story, and potentially find a way to meet up with her little family, or carry on as a rewrite with Madeline included, and a possible appearance by River in the future? remember that I own nothing, and all mistakes are mine. Please tell me if you have any questions, or suggestions :)**

**P.s. this is a rebuffed version of chapter 6, and it happens in the same time frame as the beginning of "Utopia"**

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As soon as the light died down, Rose busied herself with setting the self destruct protocol for the base into action. Tears still streaming down her face. It had been decreed that if the bunker were ever found, they should be prepared to destroy it, along with everything inside in order to prevent their hard work from falling into the wrong hands. She felt numb, as if she wasn't really there, just watching someone else go through the motions. She forced herself to believe that Madeline had made the trip safely, that she would be OK, someone was bound to find her as the coordinates had been set for the greater Cardiff area. She refused to wonder about what had happened upstairs. Trying not to think about having to convince herself that those had just been warning shots, her family was safe. Nobody was hurt yet.

The TARDIS felt a disturbance in the Void. She had been monitoring the space between her home universe and the one that had stolen her Wolf ever since She had been torn away, waiting for a sign of a way to bring Her back and heal her thief's hearts. Her thief had not been happy since his Rose left. She knew he tried to burry it, hide it away, act like he was fine. He may have been able to fool others, and it made her hopeful to see that he was trying to move on, but if she looked at him, really looked t him, she could see that he was still broken on the inside. She did her best, she tried to take care of him, make it easier for him to pilot her, make sure that the fruit bowls were stalked with bananas. She had tried to help Martha be his friend, but the girl was infuriatingly ignorant to the TARDIS's instructions and warnings. Eventually she gave up on that front.

She could feel the Void thrum, and then settle again. It had been acting up a bit lately, spontaneously letting a pinprick of light through now and again, the TARDIS hoped that it was her Wolf trying to find a way through, though was disappointed over and over again when the pinprick sealed itself off. The transmissions were slowly becoming more powerful. Every time it happened she tried to warn her Thief, though he was normally ensnared in an adventure and thus missed his opportunity. This time though, the first blip was shortly followed by another, more alarming blip. The TARDIS tried to make her occupant aware of the situation with something she hopped her Thief would connect to, and the possibility of Her return. She locked onto the transmission's coordinates and intended destination before switching a few dials so that her Thief could take her there to meet it, she mentally crossed her fingers hoping that her actions would take place in order.

The Doctor was hopping around the console, tapping buttons and pulling levers as he contemplated their next destination. A light dinged on beside him, meaning that the TARDIS was in need of a refuel. Alright then, they'd make a quick stop first. He still had a bit of time before Martha could be expected to finnish breakfast.

He punched in the coordinates and the time rotor started to light up and wheeze, strangely a song started to play through the speakers and he registered the tune of "Hungry Like the Wolf". He frowned and chided the TARDIS to shut off the music. He didn't need any more memories being stirred up today. He was already stretched thin. She didn't listen.

The Doctor opened up all the valves as soon as they landed so that they could be gone as soon as possible, he had too many memories involving Cardiff and it's Rift.

He glanced at a dial on the way by, but had to make a double take as it revealed that the Rift had been active lately. He frowned and checked the monitor and made another double take. It was pointed at an old yellow milk crate sitting just outside the door, inside was what looked to be a child, probably between 3 to 7 months old. It held a little carved elephant in its fists, and was staring around in shock, crying tentatively. He manipulated the monitor to see if anyone was on their way to retrieve it. Apparently not, from what he could see. It did attract the odd glance every now and again, but nobody seemed to feel obliged to help out the little mite. When he saw the milk crate, the TARDIS shut off the music, and oddly enough, as soon as they'd landed, she'd also registered that they'd need almost another half hour to fuel up.

Pity swelled in his chest, a protective feeling spread through his hearts, making him want to go out there and console the infant (who he noticed sported a satisfying head of dark red hear), even though they couldn't have possibly met before. Maybe he'd met a future version of it? He agreed with himself that if nobody showed up in 15 minutes, he would retrieve it, try to find where it belonged and get it back there as soon as he could. Meanwhile he had a couple of circuits that needed rewiring under the console.

Jack flew around the corner, racing towards the TARDIS knowing that it could dissipate at any moment. He was hyper aware of everything around him, fueled by adrenaline. Someone coughed to his right. A kid dropped her iced cream cone in surprise, a baby wailed somewhere.

He noticed what looked like a milk crate sitting outside the TARDIS door, and that the TARDIS itself was not parked where it usually was, by the obelisk. A few strides later he pinpointed the crying to the milk crate, and stopped a few strides short, he crept slowly forward, intrigued. Inside was an infant, maybe 3 or 5 months old, propped up by blankets and a pink hoodie. It seemed too distraught to notice him. Jack looked around, nobody seemed to be reacting more than a worried glance it's way every now and again. Someone must have left it there, though it was weird that someone would leave it in a milk crate of all things, and even stranger still that it was left outside the TARDIS of all places. He guessed that it probably had something to do with the Doctor.

Something made him feel drawn to the baby in the basket, and he crouched down to pick it up. As he stood, the baby stopped crying almost immediately and nuzzled itself against his chest, almost like it knew him. Jack, being now thoroughly confused, rapped on the door of the TARDIS.

There was a sharp 5 note knock on the door, and the Doctor jumped, bumping his head on the underside of the TARDIS console. Sometimes he wished that there was a way for him to reach all of the fiddly bits without having to crawl through a space that was never meant to be crawled through. That would be the day.

He had been pretending that he wasn't reminiscing about the last time he'd had to stop and refuel. Rose had been with him then, he'd been a completely different person, at least on the outside. He pushed those feelings down, there was no point in them now, she was gone.

He stood to look at the monitor, to check on the milk crate and was almost surprised to see none other than Captain Jack Harkness. He was standing just outside the door with the ginger baby cradled against his chest and a very confused look on his face. Well, no avoiding it now, he thought and sauntered over to let Jack in just as Martha skipped into the console room with a smile.

The Doctor smiled back, spun on his heel in greeting and swung the door open for Jack who exclaimed "where the hell have YOU been?", only taken aback for a second or two by the new face before attempting to ensnare the Doctor in an awkward one armed hug, which he didn't quite manage to dodge.

"Here and there..." he answered somberly once the Captain let him go. He felt a buzz in the air, it seemed distantly familiar, though he couldn't quite place where he recognized it from. That deep set sense of "wrong" which made bile rise in his throat and often accompanied the Captain hung around too, but he could ignore it for now. Memories of the last time Jack had been around flooded his mind, but he pushed them away after a moment's struggle. Not now! "Why'd you bring it in?" He questioned and motioned to the baby, inviting Jack inside. Then snagged the crate by a handle and set it inside the door.

Jack answered "no hello or anything?" when there was no response, he sighed, and exclaimed "well I couldn't just leave it there could I?"

"I was gonna help it! Just wanted to wait and see if anyone showed up first s'all, you know that once you handle it the chances of the mother taking it back are next to zero!" the Doctor said indignantly, after a pause he added "or is that for birds?" and his brow momentarily creased in a frown. However Jack didn't get a chance to answer.

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**Thanks for reading! let me know what you thought, anything will be gratly appreciated :)**

**Huckleberry pie to all!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Once again I own nothing! Reviews are greatly appreciated, and please please please tell me if you have any suggestions, questions or coments :) seeing as I have no beta, all mistakes are mine**

**P.S. this has been rebuffed to work better with a couple of later chapters...**

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Rose found her heart hammering at her discovery. Her mind raced for what she should do after finding a way to make a stronger reversal generator. Should she try and break the surface? What would happen if she did? What then? Could it be used to get to her universe? Would the whole of creation implode if she did?

She called "Oswin!" in suppressed excitement

"Just a 'mo'!" she answered, a resounding crash ensued, along with an anxious and somewhat hopeful looking Oswin peeping around the doorframe. "What?!" she asked.

Rose, still looking somewhat dazed, described the previous events as she hastily wrote down her findings in a notebook. As she finished her story, Oswin came closer to see the reversal generator (which she had built, thank you very much). When Rose was done, Oswin grinned and remarked "well done Gromet" cheekily, and proceeded to pick up the reversal generator, poking at a couple of internal bits off of the oval shaped contraption (about the size of a dinner plate) with a flathead screwdriver that had been tucked behind her ear. A couple of seconds later she said "I could probably increase the power if you wanted" with hopefull glance at her coleague, who smiled and nodded.

Just as Oswin was making her way back to her shop, the buzzer by the door sounded, and Jackie crackled "You two may want to get your arses up here quick, I don't think you want to miss this" excitedly, followed a moment later by "oh, and lunch is ready".

Rose and Oswin tumbled out of the cellar door and into the main house to find a pleased looking Grandma Jackie perched on the edge of the raggedy sofa. She was anxiously overlooking her 3 month old granddaughter who was awkwardly balanced on her side, a look of extreme concentration on her face as she reached for a wooden elephant, strategically placed so that it was just out of her reach. Jack, Martha, Mickey, and Pete were scattered around the living/dining/kitchen room, all aware in one way or another at the spectacle bellow. Rose knelt down beside the blanket with bated breath as Oswin leaned on the back of the couch, a smile gracing her lips. Every now and again, someone would offer a word or twitch of encouragement.

It turned out the girls had showed up just in time, as it was not 30 seconds before Madeline found herself on her belly, and the household erupted in cheers. The person at the centre of it all seemed unfased, and was pulling the elephant towards her mouth as Rose scooped her up, still a bit wary of her neck, and kissed her on the forehead, giggling and congratulating her daughter on her first succesful display of mobility. It wasn't much, but in her family's eyes, it was as great a feat as climbing 300 foot cliff. Rose's only regret was that her Doctor couldn't be there with them.

Soon after, people started wandering towards the kitchen to retrieve bowls of thin soup, and bits of ration bread. Rose left Madeline on her blanket to continue her previous activities while she got up to get her own bowl of cabbage soup, and a remaining piece of bread. She found that the only piece of bread left was coinsidently one from the middle of the loaf, and she was sure that if she compared it to everyone else's, it would have been the thickest. The recently refilled butter dish was untouched, a sign that everyone meant it it to last, seeing as it could very well be the last bit of butter that any of them saw for a long time. Rose overlooked it, and split her piece of bread in two, leaving half on the dish, only to have Jackie come up behind her and briskly butter both halves and lay them in Rose's bowl. "We need you strong now don't be skipping any meals" with a wink. Rose rolled her eyes and crossed her legs beside Madeline without protest. Her Mum has right, they couldn't afford for Madeline to become unhealthy because of thin milk. She gave them hope as their situation grew increasingly more trecherous, a reason to get up in the morning, something to fight for. Rose had no doubt that if something befell her, Madeline would be well cared for.

Once again Madeline rolled herself over, this time onto her back, and gave Rose an earsplitting grin, almost reminiscent of her first doctor's as the room erupted in cheers again. She was seeming to become aware that they were cheering for _her _and was reveling in the attention of her superiors. Rose giggled back and booped her nose, causing a gurgle to make it's way out of the baby's mouth.

Two weeks later, everyone was sitting anxiously around the table, straining to hear the voice of a broadcaster on the radio, some clutched cups of weak tea in their hands, others simply listened. Madeline was perched on Rose's hip, elephant fisted in her hands. It was her favorite and only toy, Mickey had made it for her as a gift on the day she was born. For once, she had quieted her baby babble, seeming to sense the tense atmosphere as it was announced that Russia was on their way to occupy Norway, and that everyone would be deported to where they were needed in work camps around the continent. They were told that each person could bring a maximum of one backpack, and that they would start collecting people from the outskirts and working their way into the city centre, starting momentarily. As soon as the broadcast cut out everyone flew into a flurry of action, collecting what food remained in the cupboards. Martha hurried Rose and Oswin down the stairs leading to the lab. Jack, Pete and Mickey raced out the door to start collecting people from the surrounding homes, as nobody had any telephones.

Amazingly, Oswin had discovered that the power generated by puncturing the "Fabric" could be used to teleport things through said wound. However she had no idea where. They all hoped that the things were being sent to a parallel universe, and according to all of their tech salvaged from torchwood 1 the things were. So far only notes had been sent, but now it seemed they had no choice but to try for people.

Oswin raced to the computer board that she had set up on the side of the enlarged reversal generator, and madly begun typing in the coordinates Rose had given her for the other universe. She took off her shoe and placed it on the pedestal as a test before hitting the button. It dissappeared in a flash of light. Madeline started and began to cry, Rose held her head to her shoulder and began bouncing her while patting her back. She gave Oswin an encouraging look, who smiled back with relief.

"All's good" she said as the dials and instruments began to indicate that the shoe had made it to the other universe, "but it may need a bit before it can load up enough juice to transport one of us"

Just then, they heard a thumping upstairs followed by the voice of a scared sounding Jackie, the thumping of boots, an arguing Jackie, angry sounding voices, and Jackie growing increasingly more indiginant as the voices became louder. She was cut of abruptly by gunfire.

Both of their eyes widened and Oswin gave Rose a meaningful glance as they heard the door open again, followed by the voices of Jack, Pete, and Mickey. An informing voice announced something, then there seemed to be a group protest as an authorotative voice came closer to the cellar door. There were more gunshots, then silence as they heard the cellar door opening.

Oswin kissed Madeline on the head, gave Rose a somewhat reluctant hug, a lingering gaze, and grabbed a gun off the wall as she raced down the hallway to defend the last door.

Rose took a deep breath. She knew what that gaze had meant, what she was expected to do. For all of their good. Shakily she emptied a milk crate that had been sitting by the console. She made a hasty but careful nest out of the contents of the bag she had packed for Madeline, wrapping her own hoodie around her baby with a kiss, and set the increasingly frantic infant in her nest. With a wavering hand Rose lifted the crate onto the pedistal before glancing at the console. She automatically knew from the level of power expressed on the dials that there was not enough for both of them to get across, as she had suspected. She guessed that it would still be a few minutes yet before there was even enough to send her now crying baby across. Why was it so hard to do what was right? Rose wanted nothing more than to scoop her baby up and run away through the back entrance. But she knew that the house was probably already surrounded and that if she did run, Madeline would most likely be killed on sight as she would serve no purpose to their new government's current objective.

With a shaky breath, Rose found her old cell phone amongst the clutter. It had been linked to the TARDIS, which was what had allowed it to make calls throughout time and space, as far as they could tell, it still held a connection to it. She plugged the phone into the part of the console that was responsible for coordinates, then with trembling hands she found a piece of paper and a pen, taking some time to scratch out a letter to accompany the child where her mother couldn't follow.

By the tome she was done, Rose was choking back tears, and picked up her infant, who was rooting confusedly, having caught onto her mother's unhappiness.

She cradled her baby against her chest, just like after she had had her nightmare. And was struck by the similarities of her current situation and those expressed in her dream, Rose almost gave a bark of laughter at the irony.

She glanced over to see the arrow on the dial was slowly rising, and it seemed almost high enough for Rose to press the button. Tears began to flow down the distraught young mother's face as she set Madeline back in her nest. The baby started to cry again, and Rose shushed her soothingly, holding her hand tentatively, desperately trying to blink away tears, and soak in every bit of her little firefly while she still could. If possible, her heart sunk even deeper, cracking like a china doll. She was not a part of this equation, her feelings didn't matter, as long as Madeline was safe, it didn't matter what happened to her. Rose tucked the letter in the side of the nest.

There was a bang up the hall, followed by Oswin's yell, and rapid gunfire. Madeline started crying harder, and Rose began to back away, tears now freely falling, her baby looked at her confusedly. Rose gave a watery smile as boots could be heard coming towards them. She took one last look at her light in the dark before taking a deep breath and slamming her hand down on the button. And with a burst of light, Madeline was gone.

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**Thanks for reading! **

**Huckleberry pie to all!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the next chapter! Sorry for it's breifness, I have BCP's coming up next week, so dont expect me to update much within the next week or so :P, Sorry!**

**I own nothing! (except the idea for the story, and Madeline)**

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Martha squeaked, "who are they?!" from by the console where she was still perched, having stood spectator the whole event.

Jack, never passing up a chance to "notice" someone winked, and offered "Captain Jack Harkness ma'am, and who might this lovely lady be?" he finished with a lopsided grin, reaching out an unoccupied hand for her to shake. The Doctor tried to interrupt, but gave up, realizing that it was pointless.

"Martha Jones" she answered, taking the hand offered, though she seemed somewhat bewildered, and glanced between the Doctor and the now squirming baby questioningly since Jack had failed to answer her question completely.

"Just a hitchhiker looking for it's mummy, oh and an old friend of mine" the pilot explained, waving a hand at the two most recent occupants with an odd half grin, as if remembering an inside joke before continuing to the console. The other two (technically three) followed. Martha was still experiencing a bit of confusion, but quickly recovering.

Of all things she had thought she might see in the TARDIS, a 3 month old baby was not one of them.

The Doctor set a few dials while talking to no one in particular about the genetic tests needed in order to find their youngest guest's parents, before holding his arms out to take the baby from Jack, so that he could place it on one of the scanners on the console.

Awkwardly, and somewhat reluctant to ruin the current atmosphere, Jack revealed "uhh, Doc, it came with a letter." Instead of handing over Little Ginger, he dug the letter out of his pocket and gave it to him.

The Doctor took it, flipped it over, confusion furrowed his brow when he recognized the printing on the front. He glanced quickly at Jack, "Rose?" he asked questioningly, hoping for an explanation, but finding none returned to tearing open the letter, after flicking his brainy specks onto his nose.

Martha watched as shock, and disbelief slowly overtook the Doctor's features the farther he got through the letter.

When he was done he shifted his gaze to Little Ginger. Swallowed and muttered, "Impossible" though it was almost inaudible.

He swallowed again as Jack, still in the dark, offered the baby to the still ogling Doctor. Whom stuck the letter in his pocket, and nestled her in the crook of his elbow almost reluctantly, after a moment's pause, his disbelief began to dissolved to reveal awe, heartbreak, and fear. She could tell that he was trying his very hardest to hide his emotions, though it was largely a lost cause.

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He couldn't sense her pulse, meaning that she had two hearts (one expands while other contracts= no detectable pulse), just like him. And he realized that the buzz he had felt since she and Jack had come in was her telepathic conciousness bumping up against his. The matter was settled, this was no hoax.

Madeline stopped fidgeting as soon as she was safely in her newfound father's arms. She waved her elephant at him and gurgled something that could have been taken as an explanation. He couldn't help but let the corners of his mouth tug upwards in an almost smile, though his eyes still remained cold and sad.

A million thoughts whirred through his head at once. Why had the universe done this to him?

Even though the letter had explained his point, he still found himself asking: Where was Rose? Why wasn't she here?

What should he do? Though he knew the answer to that one too: they needed to find a way to get Rose back, and not just for his and the TARDIS' sake anymore.

But they'd already tried everything possible. Scoured every wormhole, every time loop, every little nook and cranny of time and space. If it had been possible, he would have found it by now.

Why had she lied to him? Of course she had lied to him! He should have guessed! Did he even want to imagine what extremes he would have gone to if he had known? How much it would have broken him? Of course she had taken that all into account. She could never have told him. He could never have known, all for the sake of his sanity.

"Good old Rose Tyler" he mused mournfully, always looking out for what was best for him.

He felt tears start to well in his eyes unbidden as the situation started to register in his still-in-shock-mind, and painfully began to notice bits of her in Madeline's appearance. Large eyes, small ears, button nose.

He glanced skittishly from her to his two companions, both looking extremely puzzled, and a little freaked out by his reaction. He could practically see all their unasked questions threatening to boil over. Quickly, he blinked the tears away, hoping that no one had noticed. Now was not the time for tears. Rose needed help, and so did he.

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**Please review/mention anything you might like to see in this story, sorry about the last couple chapters, for some reason chapter 5 felt like sitting after chapter 6, even though that was not it's intended order. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey, as the say :)**

**Huckleberry pie to all!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is the next chapter! sorry for the UBER long wait, but at least I finished exams without killing anyone *yay***

**Please review, anything is appreciated. MAtter of fact I am becoming slightly worried by the lack of flames... constructove criticism is greatly appreciated!**

**I own nothing John Snow!**

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Rose sprinted down the corridor, the main components for a basic reversal generator bumping against her back. She caught the corner on her way by, using it as a pivot. 29, 28, 27, she counted down in her head her remaining time. There were only two corners and one locked door to get past before she was outside; then she would have to face a whole new set of challenges, but she could burn those bridges when she got there. The voices were still following her.

18, 17, 16, the final door was just up ahead, she sped up. Rose met the door with an "oof", punched in the code, and burst outside. 5, 4, 3, she looked back at the last moment to feel the earth rumble, and see the house give a shudder, before sinking a few feet lower in the ground.

Rose stood for a moment, trying to decide weather she should risk going back, and looking for any survivors, or keep running. Within seconds her compassion and mother's instinct to protect won out and she looped around to where she could see the front door. Rose crouched down behind an old shed, peeking around the corner, trying to see in the now shattered front window.

Curtains fluttered in the breeze, largely obscuring her view. This wasn't going to work. She'd have to go in.

Rose crouched and scuttled down the drive, weaving between the army vehicles parked here and there, occasionally pausing to detect any signs of someone approaching. There were none.

She crouched down against the front wall of the house, and hearing no voices form inside, stole a second to peep over the sill, and gasped at what she saw inside.

The baby started to fuss again, whimpers beginning to grow increasingly frantic.

Martha was the first to speak. "uhh, D-doctor, are you Ok?" not sure of what else to say, and reaching out to rest a hand on his arm.

He turned to her, still seeming a bit shocked himself, and stuttered, "yea, yea, every things fine. Just..." eyes drifting back to the baby' s face.

"Were's Rose?" Jack questioned concernedly, and with a tinge of fear as he glanced around.

The Doctor looked up at him for a moment before nodding his chin in the direction of the doors and asking "can you fetch me that crate Martha?"

She obeyed and placed it by his feet, who crouched down awkwardly, plucked up the hoodie and tucked it around the now squalling bundle in his arms, soon subdued. A sad smile slowly spread across his face. "Just needed a piece of Mum" he said as an explanation and stood.

"Doctor, where's Rose?" Jack interrogated, refusing to let this matter slide. "You mentioned her. That letter was from her... She showed up on the list of the dead after the Battle." Tentative, though barely masking his suppressed sadness at remembering the latter fact. He'd been hoping that she somehow survived, and had been with the doctor this whole time. After all it wouldn't the first time she'd gone missing and presumed dead because of him.

The Doctor's mask almost slipped, "trapped in a parallel universe, with her family and the lot..." he glanced back up.

Jack's face split into a grin. She was alive! Not within reach, but at least she was alive! He punched the air with a whoop, which startled Madeline into another bout of tears. The Doctor glanced at Jack with annoyance, and lifted her to his shoulder while patting her back. He shushed her and she quieted down quickly.

"Don't get so excited, they're probably all dead by now." He stated dejectedly.

Jack's face fell and he yelled "WHAT!?" earning another glance from the Doctor, he continued "What do you mean _probably?"_, correcting himself to a lower, but still urgent frequency.

"I mean that she was trapped in a parallel universe, the same one that the Cybermen came from. Chances are that this" he shifted his head in the baby's direction and resettled her on his shoulder "was her final act."

"So what is _this?" _ Martha, somewhat apprehensive of what his answer might be. For all she knew it was some sort of shape shifting alien baby that would quadruple in size any moment and eat their heads. She honestly hoped not, and by the way he was acting it probably wasn't. But the air was heavy with the unspoken, almost imaginary presence of Rose: that enigma she had never been able to weedle more than a word or two about from the Doctor. She who always seemed to be in the back of his mind, who's room she had traced him to on countless nights when he thought she was asleep. She who Martha could never, as it seemed, live up to.

He sighed and rolled back onto his heels "_this, _is Madeline_." _he paused for a moment, mustered his will and swallowed the lump that was reforming in his throat, before continuing "my daughter", trailing off near the end.

"So her final act was your daughter?" she asked in disbelief "what's that supposed to mean?"

Jack cut her off "You didn't! You sly dog Doc!"

he ran his hands through his hair and stumbled backwards, a simile reforming, despite the current atmosphere. "You didn't! HAHA! I knew it! You two were getting it on the whole time!" He would never let the Doctor live this down "Oh my god, but then who could resist the NEW you? Big ears, easy enough, but... Ha! And all of the fun I was missing out on too!"

"Enough Jack, it wasn't like that! We were never really even together, it just sort of happened" pausing to take another breath "just the once". He shifted his eyes back down to the grating, embarrassed.

"Well of course it only takes once, what were you thinking! Always going on about superior timelord intellect and all that, I'm starting to think it's all for show." Martha berated. At least she had been somewhat right, in it being alien (in part). What would they do now? A baby didn't exactly fit very well into the TARDIS lifestyle, however it would probably have the coolest childhood ever (NOT something to focus on!).

"Wait, what did you mean by her final act? Is she in trouble?" Jack asked, still somewhat wound up.

"You could say that, yea." the Doctor replied and started making his way around the console. The TARDIS was fueled up, and too much time on the rift might result in an overload. Nobody needed that right now. His mind revisiting all the different possibilities and variables relating to trans dimensional travel, and recounting their results.

"it seems that 'Pete's World'" he turned to make quotation marks with his free hand "is rather fragile, and now there is a huge war going on over there, with herself otherwise known as the time traveling trouble magnet, caught right in the middle of it." He turned back to his traveling companions, this time slightly more upbeat. "And guess what? Despite all of that, she managed to accomplish the physically impossible, what I fought with for years with no result being even somewhat conclusive. Weelll other than a rather unsatisfying goodbye... if you could call it that. And do you know how she did it?" he asked rhetorically with a quirked eyebrow "You see I was driven purely b-by, er" he faltered for a moment, assuming an expression similar to that of a deer-in-the-headlights. Jack almost smirked at him through the time rotor.

The Doctor continued on "she was propelled by the same little light, just on the horizon. But on top of that, she had little miss muffet here to feed the flames. That brilliant Rose Tyler!" rolling his "r's" in his customary fashion. "She did it, because frankly, what is more powerful than the inferno of a mother's love?"

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**Hope you enjoyed it, and sorry about the monologue. As you can probably tell I am HORRENDOUS at writing dialogue soooooo (ha ha, I just realized that kind of rhymes lol)**

**Huckleberry pie to all, and all my love to future days!**


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